I really need to sleep but I can't. I wanna talk to him. How can I be so addicted in just a few days. I'm seriously a freakin moron. But it feels kinda good. I think?
I had a dream about that before, it was awful. I was going to him and my car just didn't wanna work anymore, in the middle of a trainway.
Anyways, im too tired to write anymore, but teh festival was amazing, everyday. I don't regret a thing, or do I. Yeah, some, but just small things. I'm glad he wanted to hang out with me everyday. mutherfukking anton teh shiet and anna teh retard gurka is going awesome sometime.

I feel like empty inside. I miss him. It sucks. I really have to get over it.
It doesn't matter what I am writing to him anymore, it's just for fun, makes me pretend.
Pretend that it can work. Hahah, yeah right it does. I'll never see this guy again, I'm completlty sure about that.

Okay, it's 20 min in 3AM and I'm so damn tired but still I have so much energi. I feel like jumping and dancing in front of my mirror but then I should splash up on the floor, whatever that is.
Hahah, before, when I was more like sleeptired I did a mushroom on my leg, a few minutes after I was like OMG what the fuck is that, take it away. Then I was like, oh, yeah, right. What the hell, it doesn't even look like a mushroom. What does it do there, it's freakin ugly.
I saw a really funny video for a hour ago, I laught out loud, no I didn't, but I would if I weren't so tired by then.
It's almost bright outside, how can I sleep now? Doesn't matter, I ain't gonna sleep. Oh yeah, I was downstairs cuz I needed to go to the bathroom, and my parents TV was on, I was like, are they morons or what? I mean, if they sleepin, going to the bathroom and then go to bed again, how can they possibly forget to turn off the TV?
Anyways, when I was in the bathroom, I saw the fucking mushroom on my leg again, I don't fucking want it there, it doesn't make any sense.
When I came up I thought about my tattoo, I'm gonna finish it pretty soon, but then I reminded myself that it is the same days left now as yesterday, cuz, I can't say today, cuz I haven't sleep yet, so it was today but yesterday.
I sat here, thinking about what I was goin to listen to, I dicides post hardcore, it's pretty fucking awesome.
I don't get it how ppl can dance their asses of to it, I want to.
Hahaha, I was thinking, sometimes when I passes by a mirror, I stop goin and stare into it and thinking, damn, this chick looks just like me, stop starring at me bitch! Then I'm like, oh yeah, mirror.
I like hippos they just are. Swiming around, eating some grass in to the water and are huge. Theyre just like badgers without feets. But what, they both have feets, think about a cross between a badger and a, something bird with baconflu.
Okay, that was scary. My door was kinda closed, then it opened more and more, yea I got my window open a bit but it didn't did any sense before, Aaaah, ghosts.
I really want to meet some new ppl now, ppl more like my but mer energious and give me some. Think about real damn freaking awesome hardcore dancing in the livingroom with lots of cold beer. Alcoholic, ohno, not yet.
Omg it's 4 minutes until 3AM and I only got 5 hours sleep if I turn to bed now, oh wait, I'm already in bed. Right!
I'm energious, can't sleeep, I really need photoshop, I'm never good at my fucking pics, and now i'm gonna loss weight until putte i parken, i'm surley do. I can't do that, but I going to.
Enough about that, what now, oh I reminded myself, our mustard in the fridge, it's horrible, it's stucked in the fridge cuz it's mustard under the mustard, whatever the name is. And eww, I'm getting sick of all not one day old, but one week old food in the fridge, I won't through it away, never I'm gonna take in it, nasty fucking shit. I'm seriously getting scared of it, old food, in boxes with hair and some unnatural color, gross.

Okay, its getting closer.
It's friday night and I still hate the Internet.
Btw, it's just 2 days left to me first tattoo, i'm so excited.
But i guess i have to go alone, i don't wanna, but, it has to be kinda boring to sit there for two hours and do nothing.
it's july 3rd and its less then a month left to putte i parken, it's gonna be so damn freaking awesome, to meet everybody again.
And it's just 15 days left tp my 20th birthday. Weeeiii

Long time no blogging.
I dunno what I've been up to. I haven't done so much this summer actually. It's kinda sad, I wanted to do so much but I've done nothing of what I wanted to do.
Everybody works or have something else to do, and they decide when it's just a few days left and it's always me that have to ask them if we're gonna go somewhere or do something. Then they say they can't. I don't get it, I mean, why say you wanna hang out if they dont wanna.

And gaah, I do so miss Simpan, it sucks big time.
And I don't even know if I'm gonna see him this summer, I want to but it's so expensive to go. I don't have money for that. And when am I gonna do my tattoo, it feel like no one ever have time for me. I really need to get more friends to hang out with, I'm surely do!

Is this for real?

I can't do this, or can I?
The distance, it's killing me
I want it so badly, but I'm so insecure.
I know it's gonna be so hard if he even gave me a chance.
Why am I not surprised this is happening to me again.
Are my feelings true, or arn't they?
Right now I feel like I can do anything for this to work.
I can move, away, to an appartment, with him!
But, is it real?

Latest news!

I have much to say this time actually.
10/6 - Okay, seriously, I like him alot. What am I supposed t o to? I mean, can it work?
Yesterday I wrote a message to him, just to explain how I felt. I wrote:
"I hope you don't wake up. This is the 7th time I'm writing this textmessage, I seriously don't know how to use the words to not sound awful. I'm starting to say that I almost regret that I didn't took the change to contact you before it was 3 weeks left in school, that I couldn't see how great you are. Ewk, everything sounds so stupid cuz we've just known each other for like 2 weeks. Eew, I'm always gonna be like this, I hope I wont mess this up now. Anyways, I'm happy for the time I got with you, even though it wasn't a long time, and if I could turn back time, I would, just because to get more time with you. I like you, I really do, you're an amazing person, allthough your sometimes retared comments.
You're that kind of person who spreads happyness around you, getting glad to see, hear and be near you. I don't hope you taking this all wrong right now, it would be ruff. So I hope you can talk to me after this, it don't, I would regret everything i've ever said to you. I just want you to k now that I like you and you're an amazing person, and I want to thank you for "letting me in to your life" for some reason. Huh, how did that sound? Well, I hope you understand and good look at work tomorrow. Kiss".

Hours passed and I was so damn nervous about what he was going to say.
He answered me when I putted my makeup on. Still to nervous to check my cellphone. I wanted to know what he was going to answer, at the same time I wouldn't. I was forced to know. And there it was. The cutest textmessage I've ever got from hi in wait for something bad. He wrote:
"You have to stop writing so long messages. Do you know how hard it is to read them a quart into six in the morning? :) I didn't had the time to answer before now. I don't know what to say except that I feel the same. I have little problems to say what I'm feeling and thinking about things. But I'm glad i've met you too. Now I hope I didn't wake you up".

I was like in a fire when he said he feel the same, I need to behavour, but I couldn't. I waited a while to answer him, like 10 min or something. I wrote:
"Haha, sorry, no more long texts in the morning. But you have to be selfcontent, you didn't have to read it *jokeblame* Aaw, if I didn't did my makeup for like 20 min I'd probably started to cry of happyness, but I don't have any waterproof mascara. I looked for tickets from my place to yours. It was kinda expensive, when do you go to turkey? Kiss".

Like always I missed him... alot I didn't want to disturb him, so I didn't text. But in the night I couldn't stand any longer. I was asking him if he was asleep. And after a while he answered me."I am going to now, why?" I was like wth, so I wrote:"No reason, just wondered, I havn't heard a word from you for the whole day".

this time he answered very quick that he've been busy and very tired, that he didn't know when he was goind to turkey and asked how I felt. My first thought was " why would he care" but I answered him with okay, weil, tired" quick answer again and in this message he wrote: "you're very short. Are you angry with me?:)".

I wasn't angry. I was tired and worried about if I did something wrong in the earlier message, that he was to shy to say it.
I denied it and told him ofc not, why? I'm tired and my body hurts all over and I feel like I wanna throw up.
The last message from him was: "Naw, poor you. I have to go to bed now. Goodnight.
I was short again and wrote just:"okay, goodniight Simpan, Kiss".

Okay then, about today. I'm surprised if you have read everything.
11/6 - Time was like 5.30 in the morning and I woke up from a terrible nightmare. I was forced to tell him. I wrote it down in my cell so I wouldn't forget. Anyways, this is the dream.

"Yeey, I really wakes up 20 min over 3 in the morning cuz of the seriously not good dream ever. We had been at school and was going away, everyone who lives there. I'm getting in a fight with some of my friends I use to hang out with, as usual. In the end is almost cars full, they have 2 places left in their car, one other had 1 seat left, Armin took the last seat. You were standing outside and wonder were you're gonna get a seat. I'm standing in front of the girls car and asking if I can go with them. All eyes on you, they're like taking your bag and putting it in the trunk and says: "no, it's full" with one seat over. I was going to take another car.
In this time I really felt jealousy and was terryfied, I wasn't supposed to come near you, I never get the chance, they didn't let me to, and all the time I felt like you choosed them before me in your priority in any case. There I was, standing alone with no one of them and without you, it felt awful.
eew, pathetic ._____.

Now, lets see if he answer this, he will probably just laugh at my silly dream.

9 and an half hour later I get an answer from him.
Hr wrote: Ruff. But just a dream. Why were you up at 6 in the morning?


Whooo, what an answer.
I feel so stupid. Maybe I'll have to cool down for a while.
Behave myself, so I don't bore him out.
I guess that's the only way.
Wait til he's texting, and do like him. Wait maybe an hour or two before I answer.
I think he have to miss little too!
Let's do this, atleast I know. I can't loose him.
cuz, i gonna have him, I won't be heartbroken!