Why, why, why?
I started to get over it after a month of not speaking to eather of you.
Why the hell did you broke your silence. You're such a fucking moron!
You can't talk to me or even see me when you haven't drinkin', then you getting drunk and its alright. To you!
I can't do more than laugh about your behavior.
How the hell do you think, why do you give a shit, now.
Leave me alone as I did for you.

What can I say, what can I do?

Everything that I do
It's never good enough for you
I do my best
Dress to impress
Wear my heart out of my chest
Going no where fast
I don't know where I'm at

From now on!

Nu jävlar får jag fan ta och ge mig här känner jag!!! Jag lovade faktiskt mig själv att det här skulle bli ett bra år, att jag inte skulle sjunka ner till samma nivå som jag varit under de tidigare åren. Jag kan bara inte fortsätta såhär. Tycker faktiskt att jag själv förtjänar bättre än det här. Jag ska bry mig om de som bryr sig tillbaka och inte ödsla massa tid på sånt som ändå får mig att må dåligt. Från och med nu ska jag bli den glada spralliga människan jag är egentligen och inte helt deppig och trasig. Nu jävlar, jag måste! Skolan är bäääst och jag har världens bästa vänner och bästa familjen hemma i Örebro. De ska inte behöva se mig såhär, de är inte värda det. Egentligen är livet så helt jävla awesome och jag behöver inte folk som kastar skit på mig, sådeså! ♥

Today?

Today, it's mostly like the other days, and I am fucking glad I have all my awesome friends. I miss ppl @ home. What am I gonna do for a week home in Örebro?
Everyday this week has been horrible and today, yeah.. it's a week ago since the first real time I spend with him. Hmm, about that.. a week.. it's kinda fast. I'll give him some more weeks and lets see what is gonna happen'. But still it's gonna be hard to see him. I got really surprised when "the other" said hi, and talked to me today. It was like... What? What happened now?
I never thought he would ever talk to me again, and seriously, I can admit I am acting like a fucking asshole to both of those ppl. I'm sorry!
But tell me if I am doin' something wrong instead of just ignore, it's so much easier, especially for me.
I still know what I want, and I will keep fighting for it, to make you understand you mean so much more than you think. But I have to slow it down, to not make you feel insecure in some way!
I have to make it, I have to control myself.

Crushed And Burned

I think I have to move on. I am trying to forget him and I think he's right about what he said, maybe he's not worth me. Even if I wish he was. I cannot be with him if he feels like he does now. I can't just be friend with him, it's impossible.
Yesterday I wrote down all messages from him on paper, then I deleted them all and removed his number from my cell. Then I won't text him, and if he text me I'll probably answer: who it is. If I only could forget his number now, I read it twice and I can it already.
It sucks to see him, saw him like three times yesterday, the adrenaline in my body made me nervous when I passed him and met his eyes. I looked annoyed. I wish I could look sad but I can't do it, I think.
If he just could understand what I am talking about. If he just could stop ignore me.
I'm getting warm just to think about him, even if I know it's just a crush, I'm not in love, I am not, but I know I could be, if he just wanted me to be and gave me a chance!

Edit 16.30:
I feeel sooooo terrible. I seriously just wanna slit my heart out of my chest. This is something else from all the other, I haven't have this thoughts this for months. I can admit I used to get the feeling, that I want someone, and then, it's no more about it if it won't work. But this.. when I feel like I never wanna let him go, I just don't wanna. It's killing me, why him?
Are we supposed to be, but he won't 'cuz he's afraid to fail? Am I goin' all crazy just cause I have a crush. What is it? Can someone please tell me. Tell me what this fucking is. What is going to happen now, can I erase him after a while, or is he suoopsed to be the one?

Edit 22.38:
I just wanna talk to him. But I can't now. I have done my decision, I am not gonna take the first contact... again. Now, it's his turn, if he wants something, he'll tell. But, maybe I shouldn't look at him like I'm mad at him, 'cause I'm not, just dissapointed.
We'll see, it sucks to be without him. I just wanna go forward to him and kiss him, but I am afraid about what is goin' to happen.
The days just being worse. To know the time just passes by, and he doesn't even spend one minute to think of me.
I have a such big stomachpain, I am nervous, feel ill and have palpitation.
I just wanna lay down and cry, but I can't, I barely can't breath!

I'm so annoyed

Goddamit, I hate that I can't sleep, it's 2 AM. All I think of is him. I can't even sleep because of him. I'm so cold, maybe I'm getting sick again? I won't be, I have to do things, that makes me not to think of him. I want to sleep, but I don't know if I'm tired or not?
I just know I don't wanna feel like this much longer.
I REALLY have to go and buy that tomorrow, it's not supposed to feel like this, feel ill, I can't be.. not yet, not after 2 days :O
Please, say I'm not!
I'm worried, one more reason to a sleepless night. Thanks, I do really appreciate that. NOT!
Give me strenght to continue!

He's so hard to read

Today, I dunno. It's morning and I feel a bit nervous 'bout the day. Do I wanna see him or not, what will happen? I still wondering how he's thinkin'. When I coming near, he's so cute and can squeeze my hand and stuff, it doesn't feels like he mind, even when I squeeze him, he squeeze me back and kiss me. But when we're in public he's just acting like im not there, so far away from me as he can.
How, how can I possible know what he feels. Should I talk to him today, or what. Maybe I should wait?

Edit 13.44:
I Hate these thoughts, They killin me. I just wanna lay in my bed and cry, hope to never feel like this again, but I know they wont leave my head, cuz I want him so badly.

Edit 23.02:
I feel terrible, I just wanna cry. I have to let him out my mind, and that's as soon as possible. I can't live like this. It kills me inside. My heart hurts so much, it's so hard to keep my tears from fallin'. Right now, I wanna reverse time, wish I never talked to him, never saw him, never anything him!
Just so get rid of the pain, but still I'm glad for the times I've spend with him. Surpising, isn't it!
Yea,how am I gonna be, can I ever come over him?
Crushed and burned Give me some shots and make me sleep 'til I can't feel a thing.