He's so hard to read

Today, I dunno. It's morning and I feel a bit nervous 'bout the day. Do I wanna see him or not, what will happen? I still wondering how he's thinkin'. When I coming near, he's so cute and can squeeze my hand and stuff, it doesn't feels like he mind, even when I squeeze him, he squeeze me back and kiss me. But when we're in public he's just acting like im not there, so far away from me as he can.
How, how can I possible know what he feels. Should I talk to him today, or what. Maybe I should wait?

Edit 13.44:
I Hate these thoughts, They killin me. I just wanna lay in my bed and cry, hope to never feel like this again, but I know they wont leave my head, cuz I want him so badly.

Edit 23.02:
I feel terrible, I just wanna cry. I have to let him out my mind, and that's as soon as possible. I can't live like this. It kills me inside. My heart hurts so much, it's so hard to keep my tears from fallin'. Right now, I wanna reverse time, wish I never talked to him, never saw him, never anything him!
Just so get rid of the pain, but still I'm glad for the times I've spend with him. Surpising, isn't it!
Yea,how am I gonna be, can I ever come over him?
Crushed and burned Give me some shots and make me sleep 'til I can't feel a thing.