I can't do this, or can I?
The distance, it's killing me
I want it so badly, but I'm so insecure.
I know it's gonna be so hard if he even gave me a chance.
Why am I not surprised this is happening to me again.
Are my feelings true, or arn't they?
Right now I feel like I can do anything for this to work.
I can move, away, to an appartment, with him!
But, is it real?
tisdag 15 juni 2010
fredag 11 juni 2010
Latest news!
I have much to say this time actually.
10/6 - Okay, seriously, I like him alot. What am I supposed t o to? I mean, can it work?
Yesterday I wrote a message to him, just to explain how I felt. I wrote:
"I hope you don't wake up. This is the 7th time I'm writing this textmessage, I seriously don't know how to use the words to not sound awful. I'm starting to say that I almost regret that I didn't took the change to contact you before it was 3 weeks left in school, that I couldn't see how great you are. Ewk, everything sounds so stupid cuz we've just known each other for like 2 weeks. Eew, I'm always gonna be like this, I hope I wont mess this up now. Anyways, I'm happy for the time I got with you, even though it wasn't a long time, and if I could turn back time, I would, just because to get more time with you. I like you, I really do, you're an amazing person, allthough your sometimes retared comments.
You're that kind of person who spreads happyness around you, getting glad to see, hear and be near you. I don't hope you taking this all wrong right now, it would be ruff. So I hope you can talk to me after this, it don't, I would regret everything i've ever said to you. I just want you to k now that I like you and you're an amazing person, and I want to thank you for "letting me in to your life" for some reason. Huh, how did that sound? Well, I hope you understand and good look at work tomorrow. Kiss".
Hours passed and I was so damn nervous about what he was going to say.
He answered me when I putted my makeup on. Still to nervous to check my cellphone. I wanted to know what he was going to answer, at the same time I wouldn't. I was forced to know. And there it was. The cutest textmessage I've ever got from hi in wait for something bad. He wrote:
"You have to stop writing so long messages. Do you know how hard it is to read them a quart into six in the morning? :) I didn't had the time to answer before now. I don't know what to say except that I feel the same. I have little problems to say what I'm feeling and thinking about things. But I'm glad i've met you too. Now I hope I didn't wake you up".
I was like in a fire when he said he feel the same, I need to behavour, but I couldn't. I waited a while to answer him, like 10 min or something. I wrote:
"Haha, sorry, no more long texts in the morning. But you have to be selfcontent, you didn't have to read it *jokeblame* Aaw, if I didn't did my makeup for like 20 min I'd probably started to cry of happyness, but I don't have any waterproof mascara. I looked for tickets from my place to yours. It was kinda expensive, when do you go to turkey? Kiss".
Like always I missed him... alot I didn't want to disturb him, so I didn't text. But in the night I couldn't stand any longer. I was asking him if he was asleep. And after a while he answered me."I am going to now, why?" I was like wth, so I wrote:"No reason, just wondered, I havn't heard a word from you for the whole day".
this time he answered very quick that he've been busy and very tired, that he didn't know when he was goind to turkey and asked how I felt. My first thought was " why would he care" but I answered him with okay, weil, tired" quick answer again and in this message he wrote: "you're very short. Are you angry with me?:)".
I wasn't angry. I was tired and worried about if I did something wrong in the earlier message, that he was to shy to say it.
I denied it and told him ofc not, why? I'm tired and my body hurts all over and I feel like I wanna throw up.
The last message from him was: "Naw, poor you. I have to go to bed now. Goodnight.
I was short again and wrote just:"okay, goodniight Simpan, Kiss".
Okay then, about today. I'm surprised if you have read everything.
11/6 - Time was like 5.30 in the morning and I woke up from a terrible nightmare. I was forced to tell him. I wrote it down in my cell so I wouldn't forget. Anyways, this is the dream.
"Yeey, I really wakes up 20 min over 3 in the morning cuz of the seriously not good dream ever. We had been at school and was going away, everyone who lives there. I'm getting in a fight with some of my friends I use to hang out with, as usual. In the end is almost cars full, they have 2 places left in their car, one other had 1 seat left, Armin took the last seat. You were standing outside and wonder were you're gonna get a seat. I'm standing in front of the girls car and asking if I can go with them. All eyes on you, they're like taking your bag and putting it in the trunk and says: "no, it's full" with one seat over. I was going to take another car.
In this time I really felt jealousy and was terryfied, I wasn't supposed to come near you, I never get the chance, they didn't let me to, and all the time I felt like you choosed them before me in your priority in any case. There I was, standing alone with no one of them and without you, it felt awful.
eew, pathetic ._____.
Now, lets see if he answer this, he will probably just laugh at my silly dream.
9 and an half hour later I get an answer from him.
Hr wrote: Ruff. But just a dream. Why were you up at 6 in the morning?
Whooo, what an answer.
I feel so stupid. Maybe I'll have to cool down for a while.
Behave myself, so I don't bore him out.
I guess that's the only way.
Wait til he's texting, and do like him. Wait maybe an hour or two before I answer.
I think he have to miss little too!
Let's do this, atleast I know. I can't loose him.
cuz, i gonna have him, I won't be heartbroken!
10/6 - Okay, seriously, I like him alot. What am I supposed t o to? I mean, can it work?
Yesterday I wrote a message to him, just to explain how I felt. I wrote:
"I hope you don't wake up. This is the 7th time I'm writing this textmessage, I seriously don't know how to use the words to not sound awful. I'm starting to say that I almost regret that I didn't took the change to contact you before it was 3 weeks left in school, that I couldn't see how great you are. Ewk, everything sounds so stupid cuz we've just known each other for like 2 weeks. Eew, I'm always gonna be like this, I hope I wont mess this up now. Anyways, I'm happy for the time I got with you, even though it wasn't a long time, and if I could turn back time, I would, just because to get more time with you. I like you, I really do, you're an amazing person, allthough your sometimes retared comments.
You're that kind of person who spreads happyness around you, getting glad to see, hear and be near you. I don't hope you taking this all wrong right now, it would be ruff. So I hope you can talk to me after this, it don't, I would regret everything i've ever said to you. I just want you to k now that I like you and you're an amazing person, and I want to thank you for "letting me in to your life" for some reason. Huh, how did that sound? Well, I hope you understand and good look at work tomorrow. Kiss".
Hours passed and I was so damn nervous about what he was going to say.
He answered me when I putted my makeup on. Still to nervous to check my cellphone. I wanted to know what he was going to answer, at the same time I wouldn't. I was forced to know. And there it was. The cutest textmessage I've ever got from hi in wait for something bad. He wrote:
"You have to stop writing so long messages. Do you know how hard it is to read them a quart into six in the morning? :) I didn't had the time to answer before now. I don't know what to say except that I feel the same. I have little problems to say what I'm feeling and thinking about things. But I'm glad i've met you too. Now I hope I didn't wake you up".
I was like in a fire when he said he feel the same, I need to behavour, but I couldn't. I waited a while to answer him, like 10 min or something. I wrote:
"Haha, sorry, no more long texts in the morning. But you have to be selfcontent, you didn't have to read it *jokeblame* Aaw, if I didn't did my makeup for like 20 min I'd probably started to cry of happyness, but I don't have any waterproof mascara. I looked for tickets from my place to yours. It was kinda expensive, when do you go to turkey? Kiss".
Like always I missed him... alot I didn't want to disturb him, so I didn't text. But in the night I couldn't stand any longer. I was asking him if he was asleep. And after a while he answered me."I am going to now, why?" I was like wth, so I wrote:"No reason, just wondered, I havn't heard a word from you for the whole day".
this time he answered very quick that he've been busy and very tired, that he didn't know when he was goind to turkey and asked how I felt. My first thought was " why would he care" but I answered him with okay, weil, tired" quick answer again and in this message he wrote: "you're very short. Are you angry with me?:)".
I wasn't angry. I was tired and worried about if I did something wrong in the earlier message, that he was to shy to say it.
I denied it and told him ofc not, why? I'm tired and my body hurts all over and I feel like I wanna throw up.
The last message from him was: "Naw, poor you. I have to go to bed now. Goodnight.
I was short again and wrote just:"okay, goodniight Simpan, Kiss".
Okay then, about today. I'm surprised if you have read everything.
11/6 - Time was like 5.30 in the morning and I woke up from a terrible nightmare. I was forced to tell him. I wrote it down in my cell so I wouldn't forget. Anyways, this is the dream.
"Yeey, I really wakes up 20 min over 3 in the morning cuz of the seriously not good dream ever. We had been at school and was going away, everyone who lives there. I'm getting in a fight with some of my friends I use to hang out with, as usual. In the end is almost cars full, they have 2 places left in their car, one other had 1 seat left, Armin took the last seat. You were standing outside and wonder were you're gonna get a seat. I'm standing in front of the girls car and asking if I can go with them. All eyes on you, they're like taking your bag and putting it in the trunk and says: "no, it's full" with one seat over. I was going to take another car.
In this time I really felt jealousy and was terryfied, I wasn't supposed to come near you, I never get the chance, they didn't let me to, and all the time I felt like you choosed them before me in your priority in any case. There I was, standing alone with no one of them and without you, it felt awful.
eew, pathetic ._____.
Now, lets see if he answer this, he will probably just laugh at my silly dream.
9 and an half hour later I get an answer from him.
Hr wrote: Ruff. But just a dream. Why were you up at 6 in the morning?
Whooo, what an answer.
I feel so stupid. Maybe I'll have to cool down for a while.
Behave myself, so I don't bore him out.
I guess that's the only way.
Wait til he's texting, and do like him. Wait maybe an hour or two before I answer.
I think he have to miss little too!
Let's do this, atleast I know. I can't loose him.
cuz, i gonna have him, I won't be heartbroken!
måndag 31 maj 2010
Omg, I am so tired. Two hours sleep, what was I thinking?
Anyways, Yeah this weekend was awesome and it's great to see Jess and the ppl again.
Now we're making some plans to go to festivals this summer. Pier Pressure and West Coast, here we come.
I can't believe I missed him all weekend, though I was away from him just 2 days and before I've been away from him like 9 months.
Its so wierd that he's saying he likes me now, after doing it for 9 months.
I mean, it's just 1 week left.
Anyways, lets see what's happen in summer. Maybe it can work, or can it?
Anyways, Yeah this weekend was awesome and it's great to see Jess and the ppl again.
Now we're making some plans to go to festivals this summer. Pier Pressure and West Coast, here we come.
I can't believe I missed him all weekend, though I was away from him just 2 days and before I've been away from him like 9 months.
Its so wierd that he's saying he likes me now, after doing it for 9 months.
I mean, it's just 1 week left.
Anyways, lets see what's happen in summer. Maybe it can work, or can it?
måndag 24 maj 2010
Alex last night on earth
"It's the last night on earth before the great divide
My hands are shaking time was never on our side
And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye
As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times
It's never enough
No matter how many times I tried to tell to tell you this is love
If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I
I'm gonna love you until the day I die
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth
Like it's the last night on earth
A penny for your thoughts
A picture so it lasts
Let's knock down the walls of immortality
Your fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear
Only you can help me heal
I see forever with you here
It's never enough
No matter how many miles stand between us this is love "
Listening to this song, and all I can think of is you. I miss you so badly.
I can'¨t barely understand why, I really didn't know you.
I never got the chance to met you.
I don't know why we didn't, was it me, was it you?
I sat many times and thinking about if I should take my car and come over, but I was to shy to do it. Now I can't do more than regret it.
See your beauty, your smile, your eyes, your personality irl.
Now, it's too late, I hade the chance once, and now I don't.
Is it easier for me to take that your gone, or isn't it.
Have read so many cute and beautiful message meant only for you, and I can feel the happyness you've gave them, throught them.
Pray for you to come back, but I guess it's enough that you're the most beautiful Angel in heaven.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm asking my gram to take care of you. She didn't know about you, but I hope she does now, that she knew my feelings from above, see more now than before. I wish you do to, just so you know how much you really means for me, how much it hurts, how many ppl who still do love you.
Please, understand that you're so much more than you thought you were. Please, do that for me <3
My hands are shaking time was never on our side
And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye
As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times
It's never enough
No matter how many times I tried to tell to tell you this is love
If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I
I'm gonna love you until the day I die
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth
Like it's the last night on earth
A penny for your thoughts
A picture so it lasts
Let's knock down the walls of immortality
Your fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear
Only you can help me heal
I see forever with you here
It's never enough
No matter how many miles stand between us this is love "
Listening to this song, and all I can think of is you. I miss you so badly.
I can'¨t barely understand why, I really didn't know you.
I never got the chance to met you.
I don't know why we didn't, was it me, was it you?
I sat many times and thinking about if I should take my car and come over, but I was to shy to do it. Now I can't do more than regret it.
See your beauty, your smile, your eyes, your personality irl.
Now, it's too late, I hade the chance once, and now I don't.
Is it easier for me to take that your gone, or isn't it.
Have read so many cute and beautiful message meant only for you, and I can feel the happyness you've gave them, throught them.
Pray for you to come back, but I guess it's enough that you're the most beautiful Angel in heaven.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm asking my gram to take care of you. She didn't know about you, but I hope she does now, that she knew my feelings from above, see more now than before. I wish you do to, just so you know how much you really means for me, how much it hurts, how many ppl who still do love you.
Please, understand that you're so much more than you thought you were. Please, do that for me <3
tisdag 18 maj 2010
Rest In Peace Alexander Larsson
Can't believe it's true.
Why should it happen to you.
The most beautiful person in the world, you didn't deserve that.
You're not supposed to be gone, not now.
I can't stop crying.
You were my angel, the light from you in gone, the light wich should be there forever.
How could it end like this.
I miss you sweetie, alot.
Rest In Peace boy, I won't forget.
I love you <3
Why should it happen to you.
The most beautiful person in the world, you didn't deserve that.
You're not supposed to be gone, not now.
I can't stop crying.
You were my angel, the light from you in gone, the light wich should be there forever.
How could it end like this.
I miss you sweetie, alot.
Rest In Peace boy, I won't forget.
I love you <3
It sucks to have the wrong feeling about everything. Or am I wrong?
I dunno anymore, or do I, am I overreacting?
I was thinking about some stuffs.
Like, I know I am, do and look so much better then some ppl here, I feel the jealous.
Are they?
Are they trying to take my part?
Can they?
I can do so much better just if I wanted to, but its hard to take a decision.
Atleast I am the one who gets the hottest guys and most creds for clothes, point to mee!
I know I do, but still...
Why?
I miss the whole attention I used to get. Maybe its time for me to change again, i've been a little bitch those late days. But what did happen?
All just disappeared. I need the attention and I'm gonna take it back!
Ego? I dunno, doesn't matter, everybody is. I'm not the only one that needs it.
Jealousy is a curse!
I dunno anymore, or do I, am I overreacting?
I was thinking about some stuffs.
Like, I know I am, do and look so much better then some ppl here, I feel the jealous.
Are they?
Are they trying to take my part?
Can they?
I can do so much better just if I wanted to, but its hard to take a decision.
Atleast I am the one who gets the hottest guys and most creds for clothes, point to mee!
I know I do, but still...
Why?
I miss the whole attention I used to get. Maybe its time for me to change again, i've been a little bitch those late days. But what did happen?
All just disappeared. I need the attention and I'm gonna take it back!
Ego? I dunno, doesn't matter, everybody is. I'm not the only one that needs it.
Jealousy is a curse!
måndag 17 maj 2010
Seriously.
I'm getting so tired of one person. She's acting like a freak to her x-boyfriend.
He broke up and she's totally wasted. She's screaming at him to leave her alone and go to hell. She can't even be at the same party as he is without being rad.
Then after all, ofc shes away and talking to him, and guess what, yeah, she's coming back, crying.
I don't understand what she want from him. She says she's not gonna talk to him, text him, call him, then that's exacly what she's doing, and if she doesn't, she's talking shit about him, hoping he got his heart broken, that the other girl SHE thinks was the reason for the break up are gonna play with his heart for fun.
Why being such a jerk. I mean, can't you just decide what you want. Either take him back, or don't. You just mess things up, for both of you. If I were him, I would never take you back, ever.
Yeah, I've act like a totalfreak to the guy I like too, but not like that. I don't ask him to go to hell, I don't wanna see him heartbroken. I want him, and cuz I know I can't, I can't do more than be happy for what I got and for him to be with others.
The different between us, is that I still keep fighting for him, to prove that he means more for me than he can imagine. I'll keep fighting til the end, no matter what. And I know he'll remember me cuz I live for love, and not for fighting cuz I'm jealous, like you!
I'm getting so tired of one person. She's acting like a freak to her x-boyfriend.
He broke up and she's totally wasted. She's screaming at him to leave her alone and go to hell. She can't even be at the same party as he is without being rad.
Then after all, ofc shes away and talking to him, and guess what, yeah, she's coming back, crying.
I don't understand what she want from him. She says she's not gonna talk to him, text him, call him, then that's exacly what she's doing, and if she doesn't, she's talking shit about him, hoping he got his heart broken, that the other girl SHE thinks was the reason for the break up are gonna play with his heart for fun.
Why being such a jerk. I mean, can't you just decide what you want. Either take him back, or don't. You just mess things up, for both of you. If I were him, I would never take you back, ever.
Yeah, I've act like a totalfreak to the guy I like too, but not like that. I don't ask him to go to hell, I don't wanna see him heartbroken. I want him, and cuz I know I can't, I can't do more than be happy for what I got and for him to be with others.
The different between us, is that I still keep fighting for him, to prove that he means more for me than he can imagine. I'll keep fighting til the end, no matter what. And I know he'll remember me cuz I live for love, and not for fighting cuz I'm jealous, like you!
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